Sarah Palin scares the SHIT out of me

Hello all my happy little readers, miss me?

I am angry as hell and figured I'd spew to you all while I am on here.  My rant this week?  Pretty popular discussion: I LOATHE PEOPLE LIKE SARAH PALIN.

Now, I am not going to go on the normal rant of every liberal feminist out there - though I am one and very proud of it.  Rather, I choose to rant about things that should disturb ANY God-fearing American who wants to preserve our status as a superpower in the world.  

The candidacy of Mrs. Palin was a shock to the system once I found out more about her life and history. She comes across as a tough, hard-line "lady of the people" who you'd want to go hang out with at the local sports bar and have a round of brews with.  Which is exactly why they tapped her: call it the "Bush phenomenon."  A majority of people polled 8 years ago said that they liked Bush specifically because he seemed like a laid-back "guy's guy."  Forget the fact that he can't speak and is a complete moron.  Palin is a worse version: no high-level education, less exerience, and even more closed-mindedness than Bush.  I'll wager that she thinks that the picture of dogs playing poker is high art!

What scares me more than her abstinence-only, anti-abortion, anti-gay rights, gun-toting, moose-eating ways is her history of being a secessionist!  She was part of a group that wanted Alaska to secede from the Union!  HELLO?!?!?!  Also, she is an advocate of book banning and BURNING as well.  UMMMM, ANYONE REMEMBER A DUDE NAMED ADOLF HITLER?  SO, let's review: Palin is anti- evolution, abortion, sex education, feminist, Union, free speech, etc. and she is pro- abstinence, creationism, secession, guns and more of the like.  

I am all about having opinions.  I think it's what makes this country great.  But this woman is flat out bitchy, mean and thinks all opposing views to hers don't matter!  WHAT'S WORSE is that she calls anyone who strives for better things in life such as a good education or lifestyle ELITIST!  How is that ELITIST?  I thought it was a good thing to want an Ivy League education or a better paying job?  I understand that she appeals to the "down home folksy-folks" of the world, but wake up!  ANYONE OUT THERE SEE THE MOVIE IDIOCRACY?  We are headed toward that if the GOP gets another term in the White House.  McCain is more clueless than Regan was with Altzheimer's, and it's an insult to women to think that having Palin on the ticket will lure Hilary supporters. Of all the GOP women he could have picked, this was the worst.  Elizabeth Dole or even Condi Rice would have been a better choice...at least both are intelligent and know how to say NUCLEAR properly. Yeesh.  If Obama isn't elected, I will march on Washington...anyone else with me?  Why does everyone in the world think Americans are stupid?  Because they get tricked into voting for assholes like McCain and Palin.

new beginnings

I have been dealing with a bunch of new things in my life.  Not many of them have been funny, but I hear a few things here and there, so I'll do my best to entertain you all. 

I just joined an opera company as a resident artist, and we had a little get-together last night.  It was determined by someone much more "together" than myself that we were indeed behaving as typical singers in their natural habitat.  What I mean is that singers do several things very well: we eat, drink, sing (duh) and TALK.  The woman who noted this then said to me, "I guess everything opera singers do well involves stuff either going in or coming out of their mouths."  

It's sad, but true.  We blab - a lot.  I think opera singers might make great politicians...LOTS of hot air. 

But, to be honest, I am most looking forward to getting into this show.  I can't give a bunch of details, but it's unlike anything anyone is expecting, and the fact that we get to take it abroad excites me even more!  

I have to cut this one short as I really don't have much more, and just wanted to get my little quote in.  I have a little rant about the olympics, but I'll save it for later.  

Owwwww

You know what sucks about being a klutz?  When you fall hard, it HURTS!

Yes, I re-injured my ankle a few days ago and now I am a gimpy bunny.  Let me go back a few years and relate this story from the beginning as it's most interesting.

(insert time machine-style music here)

August 2000, Walnut Creek, CA.  I am performing in Festival Opera Walnut Creek's production of Werther (pronounced ver-TARE, NOT WERE-THUR, YOU NEANDERTHALS!) While taking my curtain call, my silk dress caught under my silk shoe and I tripped.  I ripped something in my ankle and it was a baaaaaad sprain.  I was gimped-out for a few months after that.  It sucked.  Anyway...

(insert magic time machine music again)

A few days ago, I once more slipped - this time in a hallway on the way to a voice lesson- and re-injured my temperamental foot.  I don't deal with injury well as I am a total wuss and feel very comfortable admitting this.  So, i have been a mega-bitch to almost everyone I see.  Combine this with PMS and you have the makings of a semi-psychotic lady on your hands.  So, don't be surprised if you hear of some opera singer in NYC going postal, killing her roommates (who are bugging me, but that's a whole other story) and then limping off into the night.  I AM QUASIMODO...Or, Igor..."walk this way.  No, no, THIS way."  

Being gimpy is kinda fun though.  I mean, laziness is amusing at times, plus it's kinda humid and nasty outside, so I'm not missing much there.  Really, if I weren't in pain, I'd be less bitchy.  Or maybe id be bitching about something else like global warming...who knows?

On another note, I'd like to talk about a new game I invented called "Provoke the Redhead."  It started with my boyfriend and his brother who were making fun of some crazy girl on an internet dating site.  (My boyfriend has taken a wonderfully active interest in the dating life of his little bro, and consequently, this makes for some WILDLY ENTERTAINING stories.  Apparently part of one IM went something like this:

redhead: do you like cats?

boyfriend's bro: I like dogs!

redhead: but, do you like cats?

bb: I like dogs!

redhead: don't you like cats?

I think you all see where this is going.  Anyway, this inspired me.  Anyone out there who has access to a dating site knows that 96% of the people who use them are mental, so why not make the weeding out process more fun and fuck with those who are too stupid to know that they are being fucked-with?  I call it Provoke The Redhead because the first subject just happened to be a crazy redhead...but you all can alter the name of the game as you see fit.  It's a great way to pass the time when bored, and some people on the internet are so dumb, it's kinda fun to see what you can get 'em to say!  Hee hee.

Anyway, that's all for now, kids.  I am sure I'll have more to bitch about at some point this week.  I must go find some ice for my foot and possibly some heavy drugs.  I can have me a swingin' party on a Saturday night!

Stupid TV, Zippy Bunnies and my own ranting and raving

I'm baaaaaack!

And didn't you all miss me?  I have been up to my eyeballs in stuff.  I am trying to finish school, just got hired with an opera company, AND working at an Apple store, and heaven help you if you ask me for an iPHONE...I will kill you.

Aside from all this, I have been trying to find a good subject about which to rant to you all out there in the universe.  I can think of a few things that have been bugging me, but, as my boyfriend would say, "nothing great and grand."  But, I'll do my best to keep you all entertained (the five of you who read this).  

So, what's pissing me off this week?  Hmmmm, probably the stupidity of television.  I made the mistake of watching VH-1's new show "Brooke Knows Best."  Clearly, this spawn of Hulk Hogan doesn't.  She knows even less than her dumbass brother.  Not that this is such a big revelation, but DAMN SHE'S STUPID!  I think it says something tragic when people who have no talent or ability are handed things on a silver platter.  I think i might have mentioned this before when ranting about Lauren Conrad and others.  We are a consumer nation...and we're consuming SHIT!  Who greenlights this crap anyway?  

I just saw The Dark Knight and something bugged me: not about the film, but about movies.  Why is it for every good film that is made, there's about 30 that are absolute crap?  It makes no sense to me how we are bombarded by shit in the same theater that we watch a masterpiece.  I saw WALL-E and was blown away by that movie, but beforehand, in the trailers, there's this stupid trailer for some Chihuahua movie!  WHO THE FUCK GREEN-LIGHTED THIS PIECE OF JUNK?  Here we have one of the most technologically advanced companies presenting a beautiful, witty, and fun film while endorsing pure shit!  I don't get it!

Anyway, to get away from the stupidity rant, i have to discuss my own stupidity.  I have this schtick with my boyfriend and my family.  To annoy my mother one day, I made a peace sign with my fingers and stuck it in her face chanting: "Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny!"  What's sad is I started doing this all of 1 year ago at the ripe old age of 26.  Yes, I AM very easily amused, thank you!  Well, it's sort of this thing now...I AM THE BUNNY.  Still annoying my parents and making my boyfriend laugh.  My mom decided to take this one step further when she thought that a hairstyle of mine made me look like I had microcephaly.  So, she started calling me "pinhead."  Of course, I made a reference to the comic strip, "ZIPPY The Pinhead," and she took off - started calling me Zippy.  Never try to annoy your mother when she has evil tactics of her own, kids!  So, apparently I am now being referred to as Zippy-Bunny.  This contradicts my slowpoke nature!  Or is it my lazy nature?  Whatever.  

Anyhow, I encourage you, my readers to look up Zippy the Pinhead as it's got some great randomness and it's very funny.  I don't encourage making fun of those with microcephaly, but when it comes to funny-sounding names, well, you get my drift, right?  

I am gonna go have some yummy gluten free food while I aimlessly contemplate the universe before going to work. I am finishing summer school too and some of the dumb analysis that people give for some writings out there is ridonkulous!  Quit over-analyzing, people!  ARGH!  I'll return next week with some more food for your mind and junk for your soul...provided you even still have one!

Hacking up a lung, strange dreams and more

I am sick in bed, coughing up gelatinous green slime and wondering exactly how long this is going to last. Mysterious because I don't know how I got this. But that's a little TMI, and not what I wanted to discuss.

What I wanted to talk about was a dream I had the other night. I am not a big video gamer or anything, but I often hear my boyfriend and his brother talk about Super Smash Brothers. It's basically a fight game that stars all the major Nintendo characters such as Mario, Luigi, Link, Donkey Kong, Kirby, and others. Among them are a couple little guys from Pokemon. I am, of course, referring to Jigglypuff and Pikachu.

I don't know Pokemon, but I know that these little dude make some cute noises- all they can say is their own name when attacking. So, you get "JIGGLYPUFF!" or "PIKA-PIKA-PIKACHU!" All very cute and annoying at once!

My dream was as follows: I woke to find myself in a world that looked like a cross between NYC and the Mushroom Kingdom of Super Mario Bros. Tall buildings and lots of bizarre foliage. My body was not normal. I looked around for a reflective surface and discovered that I had taken on the shape of little Pikachu...only with my own face still intact! Weird, right? That was only the beginning.

In the distance, I could make out some familiar shapes. Mario, Luigi and Peach were in the process of beating up on my old friend, Jigglypuff. I felt that I needed to stop the pummelling of a friend, and called out, "STOP! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Or, that's what I meant to say. All that came out of my mouth was, "Pika-piKA! Pika pika pikachu!" An unexpected turn, I must say.

So, the bullies stopped their smackdown and gave chase. I was terribly outnumbered, and hoped that Jigglypuff would come to my aid. I went up to him and begged for his help in my own weird way. He looked at me, quite puzzled and said, "Jigglypuff????" Right then, I knew I made a huge mistake. I turned my lightningbolt tail and ran. I ran my little yellow ass off. I now had the entire case of Mario Bros, Jigglypuff, and Link from the Legend of Zelda (how'd he get here?) trying to kick the shit out of me.

I tried to hide in a wooden barrel, but they found me and rolled me down a hill. I tried to climb up a skyscraper, but they found me on the roof and tried to throw me off. All the while I was screaming, "you fucking assholes! Leave me alone! Put me down, I am your friend!" but all that came out was, "Pika-pika-pi-KA! PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
PIKA-PIKAPIKA!"

It was around this time I woke up. I have no idea what this means, if anything, and I am sure that a psychiatrist would say I was pretty disturbed. Of course, this is nothing new, and I already agree that I am quite disturbed. But why the hell was I Pikachu? I don't get it.

Now, I am sitting here, coughing up a lung, trying to analyze my crazy dream and watching Monty Python's Flying Circus. Apparently, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. I have often wondered what would happen if someone DID expect the Spanish Inquisition? Also, what about the whole "Cuidado! Es Llamas!" sketch? Is it funny because it's so random? Or is it funny because the word Llama, when spoken with a crazy Spanish accent sounds funny? And furthermore, why do I care? It's gotta be the sickness. I am on too many cold remedies right now. Maybe THAT's why I had the bizarre Pikachu dream. My subconscious has taken over and I am living WITHIN the randomness that so often scares my boyfriend and my other loved ones. Apparently, if you looked inside my head, you'd see something akin to the brainwashing video used in A Clockwork Orange...or something just as disturbing.

Anyhow, I guess I had better go. I can't breathe too well right now, I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition and I am about to get my ass kicked by Jigglypuff. PIKA-PIKAAAAAAAA!

Life is funnier than Sh*t

I remember this great line from the epic crime-drama, Once Upon a Time in America. Somebody made the comment, "Life is funnier than shit." and I am very much inclined to agree.

I was on the subway this morning, and instead of blocking everything out with my iPod, I decided to listen to the morning conversation. Most people were barely awake and they were juggling their portfolios, coffee, laptops, PDAs and everything else needed for life in corporate America. Not much going on - until I heard a woman's commentary on an article she was reading in the Post. I normally wouldn't have anything to say, as I don't read over people's shoulders, and I didn't care about the article's content itself. It was what she said that made me laugh.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?"

Why is this funny? I think it has to do with that lovable, infamous parody of the X-Men, The Juggernaut Bitch. In the little cartoon parody, for those who have never seen it, all the characters from the X-Men cartoon are being voiced by dudes who use ghetto-style slang and the like. The central character, the Juggernaut, is the most vocal and spouts various memorable phrases...one of them being the quote I gave above.

I am not gonna launch into a whole spiel about The Juggernaut or Nastradamix or anything like that. I was amused by my own amusement. A simple exclamation from forty-something woman triggered a response from me that I wasn't expecting. I guess you could chalk it up to randomness.

This randomness of which I speak seems to be all around me. I find the most bizarre things funny these days, and my immature sense of humor amplifies this by a million. For example, when my boyfriend and I were on our second date, we were in a cab and passed a sign that read, "Liquor - Now At HOOTERS!" We looked at each other and fell apart laughing. It was so wrong and yet so right all at once. I wonder if the advertising execs realized the slightly dirty connotation with the slogan. I mean, reading it out loud would be: "Lick Her - Now at HOOTERS!" I still giggle at this.

Yes, I am easily amused. I am not ashamed, but proud! I often hear weirdness on the street or subway (once someone actually said to another, "Wow! Squirrel really DOES taste like chicken!") and laugh.

I have had friends who started a quote book of random things we said to each other, and looking back, I think they might have helped my creativity. One day on this blog I will explain the "Silent YO" as taught to me by my friend Brian D. Maybe I will even explain why I randomly flash a peace sign at family members and exclaim: "BUNNY!"

At my office job (at a prominent design school) we often comment that the main waiting area is the pool of randomness because of the crazy stuff that tends to go on when we aren't busy. My boss wanted to film us all doing the electric slide and put it on YouTube for shits and giggles. We often discuss the rules of surviving a zombie movie, what NOT to wear on a first date, if wearing someone else's shoes is really that nasty, and how we all want to obtain Canadian citizenship if another Republican is elected President. It's a mix of the sublime and the ridiculous.

Yup, I am totally cracked. No, not ON CRACK (although some people might argue with that). I guess I just believe that life really IS funnier than shit.

Lost is seriously my favorite show

Ok, I am a loser...well, maybe just a big ol' geek.

I love the show Lost. I mean, ABC primetime is definitely kicking ass these days, and I have to say that the Thursday night "trifecta" of popular shows certianly snares me every time. What the hell am I gonna do all summer? Oh yeah, school.

But getting back to Lost, I am so happy to see a serial adventure show on TV that appeals to almost everyone. There's something for everybody out there. You have a couple hot guys and girls who definitely know how to kick some ass, you have people suffering spiritual crises, mental crises, and medical miracles. You have science and faith duking it out repeatedly, and also - this is what I love: Many references to great literature, philosphy, music, art, etc. I love the fact that in order to REALLY dig deep and understand the show, one has to PAY ATTENTION and take note of what the characters are reading, listening to, etc.

I have long been one of those types to say that our society is collapsing in on itself. I mean, look at all the junk news and culture we've created and promote? "Reality" TV, celebutante culture, living to an excess, and total lack of respect for everything and everyone. I think the movie Idiocracy hit the nail on the head about mediocrity and the problems of it's glorification.

Now, I know not everyone likes Lost, and I know many who get totally confused by it. But I say, don't look at the storylines or twisted plots. Look at what the show is as a whole. It is a multimedia phenomenon, and it encourages thought and excellence. It encourages people to question everything and not take anything in life for granted. This is the stuff we have been missing in the world for a while. Fantasy, yes, but it makes people use their heads!

Because of this show, I was able to sit down and finally discuss a favorite book with a friend of mine who wasn't too keen on reading for pleasure. Suffice to say that when he wanted to gain a bigger understanding of the show, he picked up The Illuminatus! Trilogy and Turn of The Screw. He was fascinated by these great works and loved their connections to the show. He became a Henry James fan after that, and I was soooo proud.

I know it's sad that we need a TV show to inspire people to read the classics, but maybe in this over-saturated media age, it's the best option.

So, YAY for Lost! I, for one, am always happy to see a half-naked Josh Holloway (he plays Sawyer, people) running around looking all hot and manly. Hee hee. I hope the JJ Abrams treatment of Star Trek keeps up the high level we've come to expect from his group. Hey, it's cuz of that dude that I even want to see the damn movie in the first place!

Good Stupidity vs. Bad Stupidity

As a pop culture junkie, I am always amazed with the crap that we seem to come up with as a society. I am from the MTV generation. The channel is as old as I am, and I hate what it has become. Remember when MTV was all about MUSIC? I know, this is an old argument, but bear with me - there's something much bigger here. MTV and rock music in general went from being about rebellion and the influence of youth culture to being about marketing and dictating youth culture.

Example: Shows like Headbanger's Ball and Liquid Television. These shows were very important to many of us who wanted to know what was going on in the underground rock music and art scenes. Not only were these shows fun to watch, but they actually meant something. Liquid TV was a showcase for indie animation, and Headbanger's ball introduced me to a high level of hard rock. These are just two of a multitude of shows that entertained us and made us dig a little deeper when it came to finding the "cool factor."
Then they had to ruin it all with The Real World.

Reality TV is not real, and I think many people know this. What angers me is what it always seems to glorify. Look at the behavior of these people. All they do is drink too much and complain about shit. They aren't even real people anymore. They all follow an archetype. One is always loveably ignorant, one's a pretty-boy player, one has substance abuse problems, one is gay, and so on. Notice how after the San Francisco season, you never saw any real activists or professional types? Instead, you saw a bunch of people who are looking for instant fame and free drinks. This is the Bad Stupidity in the world.

Of course, the Bad Stupidity (or BS as I'll call it from now on - not to be confused with B.S. which I will say is BULL SHIT) didn't end with The (un)Real World. Oh no. Jackass began. A bunch of stoned slackers making millions by doing dumbass shit like stapling things to themselves or defecating in a retail store. I have to say, I was amused by the first episode. With clips of Wee Man doing skateboard tricks while dressed as an Oompa-Loompa, and the Urban Kayaking segment, I thought that there might be hope. These were funny, lighthearted and creative moments that were steadily disappearing from the network. Why is it that people would rather see someone get kicked in the junk or watch a public meltdown of a celebutante than watch a genuinely creative music video or show about people who are making a difference in the world.

See, the Good Stupidity is based on genuinely funny stuff. Schtick. You know, like movie quotes, silly cartoons, iconic songs, etc. This is GS because it actually takes brains to understand it - not to mention create the stuff in the first place. BS is the opposite because it relies on pre-fab shock tactics with no creativity whatsoever. Just people acting like morons and crazies. I think its all about the public spectacle with BS and nothing more. BS is bad because it lowers the bar. It makes idiotic behavior a cause for celebrity. It makes the average joe schmo out there think that this type of behavior is enough to make him filthy stinking rich or famous.

I think that my biggest complaint is that people just don't think anymore. Why is it that there have only been two honestly funny movies released in the last year? Juno and Knocked Up. Why aren't there more clever film makers out there and screenwriters like Judd Apatow and Diablo Cody? I know that these people exist, so why don't they get a break? Why is it that The Hills is a hit show? Why did every animation studio throw 2-D features out the window when Pixar became successful? I think it's because people have been conditioned to accept certain things in the world instead of striving for excellence. No one tries anymore! Or, if they are trying, people aren't getting recognition. This is why I say to all of you out there: Read as many books as you can that AREN'T graphic novels, search for indie musicians and support them in your town, look to the great movies and shows of the past. I think it's sick that many people refuse to watch a movie that was made before 1975 specifically because it's "old." If we are ever gonna make something of ourselves, we have to actually use our brain cells! WHAT A CONCEPT!

So, my dears, I close with this. Embrace the GS because it's awesome and individuality is a good thing. Cut the BS from your life and strive for greatness...in whatever you want. Greatness in ANYTHING. If you're a security guard, be the best one on your staff. If you wash dishes, be the most efficient. If you're in sales, be the one that everyone wants to work with. Just TRY for some kind of excellence! It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you know that you have a brain to use. NO MORE BS. At the same time, don't take yourself too seriously either. The art of life is to mix the serious with the silly.

I totally didn't want this to turn into a bitching session, so I'll end this rant with something less-soapbox-y.
Close your eyes and recall a time when you were most happy. Recall what made you smile and remember why. I am doing it right now and I see a group of teenagers sitting around a table. We're laughing. One person in the group is shaking his head and giggling. He speaks: "I swear! I won't eat eggs anymore...They're liquid chicken!"

Celebrate randomness, ok? Not Faux-Reality, but ACTUAL REALITY...WOO HOOO!

Poppin' the blog cherry

Oh wow, man. I have joined the "blogosphere" and I am so freaking cool now!

Seriously, I figured I'd give this a try. I have had blogs before, but they always seemed to fall by the wayside, and no one read them anyway. I have vowed that this will be different, and I hope to God someone reads this.

So, what is this gonna be about? The real question is what ISN'T this gonna be about? As a writer and musician, I tend to observe everything and will comment about it freely. For example, a few months ago, while on the subway, I heard some dude say to his lady friend, "ohmigod, squirrel DOES taste like chicken!"
I celebrate randomness like this and also scorn stupidity. I guess I'll be using this as a means to do both. I might even indulge in a little shameless self-promotion if I feel so inclined.

I suppose my next post will be more in the format I desire, as this is shaping up to be a welcome mat...so Wilkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, Come on In...I love a good Lili Von Stupp quote to get the party started...