Hollywood can kiss my A$$

Why did the big suits in the entertainment industry decide to rape my childhood for film ideas? And furthermore, why do they feel it is necessary to re-make a perfectly good film that was only released 2 years ago?

It's because they all think we're stupid and like to play to the lowest common denominator! I have said that before and I say it again!

I will give props to a few of those who have delivered in their promises of good entertainment like Star Trek and Transformers, but the LOTL movie? I am terrified to see GI Joe, and I hope it doesn't fall into line with other flops of yore like Dukes of Hazard and Bewitched. I was shocked to see that they're now going to brutally rape another childhood gem, Flight of the Navigator! And, today, I heard something even more repugnant: they are re-making Frank Oz' Death at a Funeral!

What's Death at a Funeral? Probably one of the funniest films to be released in a long time. The original 2007 release was done in a way that echoes the styles of Monty Python. It is a clever, well-written, and VERY WELL DIRECTED ensemble film that showcases great British actors that no one has ever heard of. The 2 Americans in the film are also brilliant and have a big cult following themselves. They also happen to play 2 of the most over-the-top characters that you've ever seen on the big screen. These men; Peter Dinklage and Alan Tudyk, show the audience what it means to be fucked up beyond all recognition, and it's AWESOME. They also play British very well, and had ME fooled until I looked them up on Wikipedia.

So, WHY THE HELL DO THE HOLLYWOOD EXECS WANT TO FUCK WITH A GOOD THING? They cast a bunch of big names including Chris Rock (I don't even know where the hell he'd fit into the damn movie - it's not his style of comedy) to draw a bigger audience. WHY DO THEY DO THIS? Why can't they just do a re-release of the original if they want more people to see it? Re-cut a few commercials to make it less "artsy?" Not to mention, they replaced the director, the legend, Frank Oz with Neil LaBute. I am sure Mr. LaBute is a fine director but THIS IS OZ' BABY! THEY'RE GONNA RAPE IT! THE DINGO ATE YODA'S BABY!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRGGHHHH!

I know, I know, the arts aren't ABOUT art anymore - just about making a buck. But if they want a powerhouse ensemble comedy out there with big name celebs, or a new family-friendly sci-fi adventure, WHY DON'T PEOPLE GET OFF THEIR ASSES AND WRITE NEW ONES????? Quit raping my childhood and happy memories because you feel the need to make a few more $$$ to add to your already overstuffed wallet! When the new Death at a Funeral and Flight of the Navigator are both released in 2010, do yourself a favor - boycott the new releases and rent the originals via Netflix. I assure you, you'll have a much better time, and save yourself the $100 or however much it costs to go to a movie these days!

Sorry for the delay, folks!

      So, I know I have been absent from here for a while.  I also know I don't have much to write about, but something caught my attention and I felt it necessary to draw some attention.  

I was reading my boyfriend's blog, Off the Schneid, and while perusing his commentary about hippies, baseball, SF, and his MBA program, it occurred to me that there's a number of common misspellings that he uses all the time.  Not that this is something major, or anything to cause WW3 over, but what disturbed me is that he is just one of many millions of brilliant and schooled people who can't spell. And he freely admits this.  I love this man, let me tell you!  LOVE HIM!

     We are all taught grammar and punctuation in school, and at times are FORCED to practice these subjects over and over again.  I, for one, LOATHED grammar practice in school.  All of the tests, writing exercises, spelling tests, sentence writing (in grade school spelling tests), etc.  I KNOW I failed many a grammar exercise and purposefully ignored my teacher's droning lectures.  It is all this drilling that I think causes the problem.  Schools take the fun out of learning.  I know that my high school's English department was severely short-sighted and did not care enough about the students to employ a curriculum that allowed for a more creative way to learn grammar.  We had very few creative writing assignments, and I think this is where the main problem lies.  I feel that a direct lack of creativity promotes an apathy in the learner.  In order to really retain information, it should be drilled, yes, but in a way that is productive and fruitful for the student writer.  

I can honestly say that I didn't care about my usage, spelling, or punctuation until I was writing my own material.  When you "give birth" to something, creatively speaking, you allow yourself to open up to criticism that could help to make your product better!  Not to mention, when you actually CARE about what you're writing, it makes you want to learn how to do it right!  

Schools tend to lump kids into groups based on aptitude - has anyone ever noticed this?  Like, those kids who are great at math, chemistry and physics are always in the same classes.  There is also a tendency for many of these students to struggle with English, foreign languages, and sciences like Biology.  On the other side of the coin, we have kids who excel in English, languages and bio-sciences (much like myself) who are miserable in Math, fail chemistry, and just can't get it together when it comes to these subjects.  I feel math was taught in a way that made me care less about it.  I seemed to excel in things I could readily apply to my own life, career goals, etc.  I struggled with things that I THOUGHT had no bearing on what I wanted to do.  I would sit in Algebra 2 and wish that my teacher was able to provide the information with some reason behind it.  With no real-world connections, I was more apt to fall asleep in class than give the correct answer.  

   Anyway, I should get back on track here with my rant, or I will go on forever.  So, the point I am trying to make is that I was reading my boyfriend's blog and contemplating his spelling of certain things.  Because he is going into business and communications are key, I worried that he might be looked down upon by others who are looking for ANYTHING to nit pick.  Bosses suck, this we all know, and I know there's some insane HR guy out there just waiting to take his wrath out on someone who has awesome credentials, a great interview style and lousy spelling skills.  Then, I read some other friends' blogs and emails...

HOLY SHIT! CAN'T YOU PEOPLE SPELL????  I realized I am in the minority and it scared the crap out of me!  I understand grammar sucks and people hate practicing it.  But if our country is going to get ahead at all in this world, we need to care not just about ideas, but how those ideas are presented.  Blogging is a great way to start.  Because a blog is personal, there is emotional investment in the whole operation, and everyone who has one will agree - you want to keep your integrity!  For every blog/email/discussion post that I read, I admit that I judge harshly.  If I don't know the person at all, I look at certain things (and this is when I read wall posts or discussion forums).  I look at spelling, first and foremost.  If they are ranting about a major topic like global warming or first amendment rights, I will give their thoughts - whether I agree or disagree - a chance if they are SPELLED CORRECTLY.  

I have seen "Glowbul warming" or Globell warning" and I have seen all sorts of spellings of "amendmint," "commendment"  and such.  DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW PEOPLE MISSPELL CONSTITUTION! These people who can't spell and then rant about their topic of choice earn my disrespect and sometimes loathing.  No wonder people think Americans are dumb!  Anyone read internet posts?  I do make concessions on occasion for those who don't speak English well, but for those right-wing, "joe the plumber," "Real Americans" I show no mercy.  It's like looking at misspelled graffiti!  If you are going to piss off someone, do it correctly!  

The sad thing is that many of the misspelled rants out there in the webiverse (or whatever you call it) are written by "educated" individuals who have gone through public school, and a majority of them, I'm sure, have gone on to some higher form of education.  So, with all this education, why can't people spell?  If they can have families, provide for them, and obtain a decent wage, why the hell can't they remember that "a lot" is TWO WORDS?  ARRRRRGHHHHH!

I know many of these people.  I am related to a few, I am sure.  I love many of these people.  We live in a country where expression is something we celebrate every single day!  Yet, how can we express ourselves properly if we don't know how to use the words and phrases properly?  

So, there's got to be something we can do in order to get people to care about proper spelling and grammar again.  There's got to be a way to give incentive to people to spell properly!  

Hmmmm, education reform?  Get 'em while they're young! 

And now, a misspelled word for all of you who think the status quo is ok...FCUK EWE!  Hee hee.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, this concludes our broadcast day.  

I am freezing

In order to take my mind off of more personal drama, I figured I would rant about the weather today, since it's cold as a witch's tit out there!

So, here I am in NYC, and I wonder why I am so damn cold?  Hmmmm, maybe it's because it's ALWAYS COLD THIS TIME OF YEAR IN NYC!  I shouldn't complain as I brought this on myself.  I moved here on my own.  I chose to live the life of a starving artist, and, yes, I CHOSE to take the air conditioner out of the window and leave said window open because of something that is screwed into the sill.  That thing in the sill won't allow the window to close, and consequently, when it gets REALLY COLD outside, it gets cold inside.  

Still, I would rather be too cold than too hot.  My roommate and I were discussing the difference between dry heat and humid heat.  Because we're both from CA, we appreciate the validity of it being a "dry heat."  90 degrees is waaaaay more bearable in a desert than in a humid, nasty, stinky city.  

Don't get me wrong, I love NY.  But my hair hates humidity and I have come to hate sweating for no reason.  Sweat is sexy when it involves heavy workouts or, uh, well - sex!  But spontaneous butt-crack sweat is NOT SEXY and is just nasty.  

Back to the cold weather though.  I usually call Feb-March the "bleak months" here in the city as nothing happens and things just look unpleasant in the concrete jungle.  This year, things aren't too bad. I am not sure if that's because I work from home, or I just stopped caring, or even if I am too busy to notice.  Whatever!  I'll take it.  I am a nester.  I like to hunker down in a warm blanket and rot.  I know that's no way to live, but sometimes it's called for.  I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR MY LACK OF MOTIVATION DURING COLD MONTHS.  That being said, I have been moderately productive, so I guess I am a big walking contradiction.  

I have another complaint: why are people still harping on the "Miracle landing on the Hudson?"  I know it was a miracle, and yay for the pilot, but the whole black box thing...is it really newsworthy?  Everyone lived (except the birds that got eaten by the engines) and nothing else has changed since.  Furthermore, Caylee Anthony is still dead, Michael Phelps should be left alone, and our economy still sucks.  As Dennis Leary once said, "Life sucks, get a fucking helmet."  I know I have said that before, but it keeps coming back to me. Anyway, I am freezing and trying to keep afloat in a world that is trying to collapse on itself.  And why the hell is everyone on Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice having a panic attack?  Is that what's sexy now????????

Sarah Palin scares the SHIT out of me

Hello all my happy little readers, miss me?

I am angry as hell and figured I'd spew to you all while I am on here.  My rant this week?  Pretty popular discussion: I LOATHE PEOPLE LIKE SARAH PALIN.

Now, I am not going to go on the normal rant of every liberal feminist out there - though I am one and very proud of it.  Rather, I choose to rant about things that should disturb ANY God-fearing American who wants to preserve our status as a superpower in the world.  

The candidacy of Mrs. Palin was a shock to the system once I found out more about her life and history. She comes across as a tough, hard-line "lady of the people" who you'd want to go hang out with at the local sports bar and have a round of brews with.  Which is exactly why they tapped her: call it the "Bush phenomenon."  A majority of people polled 8 years ago said that they liked Bush specifically because he seemed like a laid-back "guy's guy."  Forget the fact that he can't speak and is a complete moron.  Palin is a worse version: no high-level education, less exerience, and even more closed-mindedness than Bush.  I'll wager that she thinks that the picture of dogs playing poker is high art!

What scares me more than her abstinence-only, anti-abortion, anti-gay rights, gun-toting, moose-eating ways is her history of being a secessionist!  She was part of a group that wanted Alaska to secede from the Union!  HELLO?!?!?!  Also, she is an advocate of book banning and BURNING as well.  UMMMM, ANYONE REMEMBER A DUDE NAMED ADOLF HITLER?  SO, let's review: Palin is anti- evolution, abortion, sex education, feminist, Union, free speech, etc. and she is pro- abstinence, creationism, secession, guns and more of the like.  

I am all about having opinions.  I think it's what makes this country great.  But this woman is flat out bitchy, mean and thinks all opposing views to hers don't matter!  WHAT'S WORSE is that she calls anyone who strives for better things in life such as a good education or lifestyle ELITIST!  How is that ELITIST?  I thought it was a good thing to want an Ivy League education or a better paying job?  I understand that she appeals to the "down home folksy-folks" of the world, but wake up!  ANYONE OUT THERE SEE THE MOVIE IDIOCRACY?  We are headed toward that if the GOP gets another term in the White House.  McCain is more clueless than Regan was with Altzheimer's, and it's an insult to women to think that having Palin on the ticket will lure Hilary supporters. Of all the GOP women he could have picked, this was the worst.  Elizabeth Dole or even Condi Rice would have been a better choice...at least both are intelligent and know how to say NUCLEAR properly. Yeesh.  If Obama isn't elected, I will march on Washington...anyone else with me?  Why does everyone in the world think Americans are stupid?  Because they get tricked into voting for assholes like McCain and Palin.

new beginnings

I have been dealing with a bunch of new things in my life.  Not many of them have been funny, but I hear a few things here and there, so I'll do my best to entertain you all. 

I just joined an opera company as a resident artist, and we had a little get-together last night.  It was determined by someone much more "together" than myself that we were indeed behaving as typical singers in their natural habitat.  What I mean is that singers do several things very well: we eat, drink, sing (duh) and TALK.  The woman who noted this then said to me, "I guess everything opera singers do well involves stuff either going in or coming out of their mouths."  

It's sad, but true.  We blab - a lot.  I think opera singers might make great politicians...LOTS of hot air. 

But, to be honest, I am most looking forward to getting into this show.  I can't give a bunch of details, but it's unlike anything anyone is expecting, and the fact that we get to take it abroad excites me even more!  

I have to cut this one short as I really don't have much more, and just wanted to get my little quote in.  I have a little rant about the olympics, but I'll save it for later.  

Owwwww

You know what sucks about being a klutz?  When you fall hard, it HURTS!

Yes, I re-injured my ankle a few days ago and now I am a gimpy bunny.  Let me go back a few years and relate this story from the beginning as it's most interesting.

(insert time machine-style music here)

August 2000, Walnut Creek, CA.  I am performing in Festival Opera Walnut Creek's production of Werther (pronounced ver-TARE, NOT WERE-THUR, YOU NEANDERTHALS!) While taking my curtain call, my silk dress caught under my silk shoe and I tripped.  I ripped something in my ankle and it was a baaaaaad sprain.  I was gimped-out for a few months after that.  It sucked.  Anyway...

(insert magic time machine music again)

A few days ago, I once more slipped - this time in a hallway on the way to a voice lesson- and re-injured my temperamental foot.  I don't deal with injury well as I am a total wuss and feel very comfortable admitting this.  So, i have been a mega-bitch to almost everyone I see.  Combine this with PMS and you have the makings of a semi-psychotic lady on your hands.  So, don't be surprised if you hear of some opera singer in NYC going postal, killing her roommates (who are bugging me, but that's a whole other story) and then limping off into the night.  I AM QUASIMODO...Or, Igor..."walk this way.  No, no, THIS way."  

Being gimpy is kinda fun though.  I mean, laziness is amusing at times, plus it's kinda humid and nasty outside, so I'm not missing much there.  Really, if I weren't in pain, I'd be less bitchy.  Or maybe id be bitching about something else like global warming...who knows?

On another note, I'd like to talk about a new game I invented called "Provoke the Redhead."  It started with my boyfriend and his brother who were making fun of some crazy girl on an internet dating site.  (My boyfriend has taken a wonderfully active interest in the dating life of his little bro, and consequently, this makes for some WILDLY ENTERTAINING stories.  Apparently part of one IM went something like this:

redhead: do you like cats?

boyfriend's bro: I like dogs!

redhead: but, do you like cats?

bb: I like dogs!

redhead: don't you like cats?

I think you all see where this is going.  Anyway, this inspired me.  Anyone out there who has access to a dating site knows that 96% of the people who use them are mental, so why not make the weeding out process more fun and fuck with those who are too stupid to know that they are being fucked-with?  I call it Provoke The Redhead because the first subject just happened to be a crazy redhead...but you all can alter the name of the game as you see fit.  It's a great way to pass the time when bored, and some people on the internet are so dumb, it's kinda fun to see what you can get 'em to say!  Hee hee.

Anyway, that's all for now, kids.  I am sure I'll have more to bitch about at some point this week.  I must go find some ice for my foot and possibly some heavy drugs.  I can have me a swingin' party on a Saturday night!

Stupid TV, Zippy Bunnies and my own ranting and raving

I'm baaaaaack!

And didn't you all miss me?  I have been up to my eyeballs in stuff.  I am trying to finish school, just got hired with an opera company, AND working at an Apple store, and heaven help you if you ask me for an iPHONE...I will kill you.

Aside from all this, I have been trying to find a good subject about which to rant to you all out there in the universe.  I can think of a few things that have been bugging me, but, as my boyfriend would say, "nothing great and grand."  But, I'll do my best to keep you all entertained (the five of you who read this).  

So, what's pissing me off this week?  Hmmmm, probably the stupidity of television.  I made the mistake of watching VH-1's new show "Brooke Knows Best."  Clearly, this spawn of Hulk Hogan doesn't.  She knows even less than her dumbass brother.  Not that this is such a big revelation, but DAMN SHE'S STUPID!  I think it says something tragic when people who have no talent or ability are handed things on a silver platter.  I think i might have mentioned this before when ranting about Lauren Conrad and others.  We are a consumer nation...and we're consuming SHIT!  Who greenlights this crap anyway?  

I just saw The Dark Knight and something bugged me: not about the film, but about movies.  Why is it for every good film that is made, there's about 30 that are absolute crap?  It makes no sense to me how we are bombarded by shit in the same theater that we watch a masterpiece.  I saw WALL-E and was blown away by that movie, but beforehand, in the trailers, there's this stupid trailer for some Chihuahua movie!  WHO THE FUCK GREEN-LIGHTED THIS PIECE OF JUNK?  Here we have one of the most technologically advanced companies presenting a beautiful, witty, and fun film while endorsing pure shit!  I don't get it!

Anyway, to get away from the stupidity rant, i have to discuss my own stupidity.  I have this schtick with my boyfriend and my family.  To annoy my mother one day, I made a peace sign with my fingers and stuck it in her face chanting: "Bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny, bunny!"  What's sad is I started doing this all of 1 year ago at the ripe old age of 26.  Yes, I AM very easily amused, thank you!  Well, it's sort of this thing now...I AM THE BUNNY.  Still annoying my parents and making my boyfriend laugh.  My mom decided to take this one step further when she thought that a hairstyle of mine made me look like I had microcephaly.  So, she started calling me "pinhead."  Of course, I made a reference to the comic strip, "ZIPPY The Pinhead," and she took off - started calling me Zippy.  Never try to annoy your mother when she has evil tactics of her own, kids!  So, apparently I am now being referred to as Zippy-Bunny.  This contradicts my slowpoke nature!  Or is it my lazy nature?  Whatever.  

Anyhow, I encourage you, my readers to look up Zippy the Pinhead as it's got some great randomness and it's very funny.  I don't encourage making fun of those with microcephaly, but when it comes to funny-sounding names, well, you get my drift, right?  

I am gonna go have some yummy gluten free food while I aimlessly contemplate the universe before going to work. I am finishing summer school too and some of the dumb analysis that people give for some writings out there is ridonkulous!  Quit over-analyzing, people!  ARGH!  I'll return next week with some more food for your mind and junk for your soul...provided you even still have one!